Tagged: Roger Clemens

I smell a Road Trip. Who’s with me?!

Roger Clemens is going to trial.  I smell a road trip! Who’s with me?!

 

Too soon?  Come on. He’s not going to prison.  If we learned anything from the recent actions of the American Justice System, anyone can get off (as long as they pay up of course).  I hear Blagojevich’s attorneys are available.

 

Speaking of the super inappropriate…

 

I was on a New Jersey Transit train heading into the city yesterday.  I had a couple of job interviews (which went disastrous of course).  Nonetheless, it was a nice trip in as I traveled with Yankee fans headed toward the matinee.  There I was on the platform with the normal mix of fathers and children, uncles with nephews (and nieces, of course) and friends playing hookey from work.  You could hear them strategizing on where to eat, what to do when they get to batting practice and of course, quizzing each other with cheesy Yankees trivia.

 

Who’s the only Cardinal in Monument Park?  Well, that’s the Pope of course….

 

A bunch of folks heading out to the ballpark for a beautiful day of baseball, what else could one ask for?  It was a nice atmosphere.  If I didn’t have people expecting me, I would have played hookey along with them.  Nevertheless, when the train finally pulled into the station and I sat in my seat, I was in for was something far different.

 

I’m sorry but there is nothing worse than rude, drunken fans on a train.  I’m all for a drink at the ballpark, but when you drink to excess and I’m forced to be your captive audience…you suck.  What made this rolling car of Wrigleyville goodness even more fun was that it was 11:18 in the morning.  The game wouldn’t start for another two hours.  How are you blitzed out of your gourd already?!

 

Hey! Guy with the Jose Reyes shirt and guy with the Josh Hamilton shirt, I’m talking specifically to you.  I know you had buddies with you, but you sat directly in front of me and made my trip miserable.  First, you’re purposely going to the game to be douches.  Don’t get me wrong! I’m all for fans of the opposing team coming out for a good time at the ballpark.  I can’t count how many times I was that opposing fan. BUT they were playing Detroit!  Your “Yankees Suck” chant is officially out of line and makes you a wannabe, especially you, Josh Hamilton guy. I have a feeling that the Jersey Shore look isn’t popular in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.  I’m going to assume, you’re actually from Long Branch.

 

Speaking of…

 

We hadn’t hit Rahway yet and these epitomes of manhood had knocked off two 24-pack cases of Coors Light.  Gross!  (And is anyone picking up on the irony that the guy in the Josh Hamilton shirt was binge drinking?  If you don’t, I’ll tell you when we get in the car.) 

 

Oh, I think one of our buddies might have been storing a couple in his backpack with the hopes of sneaking them into Yankees Stadium. Guys, this isn’t the AMC.  This is Yankees Stadium, the only place in the world where, while in the security line, I had to turn my cell phone on and off to prove it wasn’t a bomb.  It’s easier to sneak stuff on an El Al flight.

 

Where was the New Jersey Transit crew during this?  Your guess is as good as mine.  They were busy bothering me for a ticket, because ****** bag in the Jose Reyes shirt was too busy knocking my destination ticket off my chair.  (Heh! Heh! Heh! Funny, huh?)  Also, isn’t it against the law to drink alcohol out in the open on public transportation?  I know the LIRR has restrictions on that.

 

Also to the dad who was four rows ahead of them…spend less time trying to look cool in front of your son by goofing off with these jerks and more time being a better example of manhood for your son.   By the way, our boys here had no idea where they were going.  Don’t give them directions.  Let them think they’re pulling into Grand Central Station (you stupid Jersey Shore hicks).  They’ll be passed out at the TGI Fridays before we know it.

 

So, for those of you who were at the Yankees game yesterday, I hope you had a wonderful time as the Yankees won the series.  And for your sake, I hope these guys are still wandering around Penn Station as you read this.

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Mission Accomplished: Finishing “The Yankee Years”, Screwing Up an Audition and Scoring a Super Bowl

 

So, I finally finished The Yankee Years and I was pleasantly surprised.   It wasn’t at all what I expected.  After earlier chapters portraying Roger Clemens and Jason Giambi through Rose-colored glasses, I was ready for several hundred pages of sentimental clap-trap.   What I got was a thoughtful treatise on what brought the Yankees dynasty to an end, a Money Ball Part II per say.

 

Ok…so treatise might be too dramatic of a word.  It’s not Thomas Paine’s “Common Sense”.

 

But come to think of it, it not very far off.

 

Speaking of drama, I had an audition this week for an MLB Master Card commercial.  If there was one audition I could ace, it would be that.  Right? Right?!

 

Not so fast…

 

The only requirement was to be a “Super Fan”.  A “Super Fan”?!  Trust me.  I got this.

 

Not so fast…

 

Sunburned middle-aged White Sox fans were more camera friendly than me?  Their flat Midwestern pronunciations of “Sox Park” were apparently sexier.  

 

And where the hell did the eight Yankee fans that screen tested before me come from?!  I was in the West Loop of Chicago for Christ Sakes!  It was only 10:30am.

 

It’s fine … Errggghh…

 

Speaking of being fine, let’s hear it for the Meadowlands being named the home of the 2014 Super Bowl.  Yeah!

 

I have actually wanted to talk about this for a while but I got a bit sidetracked over the last couple of weeks. 

 

I enjoy the detractors who felt that a cold weather climate stadium wasn’t appropriate to host the Super Bowl.    Waa?  What do you call the rest of the darn season?

 

FYI: Baseball has no problem pulling off their Fall Classic in the Bronx like… what? Every other year?  And what about teams like Colorado?  They get snow delays on Opening Day.  Stop being such pansies about it, NFL. 

 

On a side note, I get from a marketing standpoint why they are calling it the NY/NJ Super Bowl.  However, let’s give New Jersey a bit more credit.  It may not be as glamorous as New York, but where does America think the Meadowlands is located?  Be thankful for Northern New Jersey, because without it, you would be stuck in traffic on the Island every time you wanted to catch a flight and frankly…you could kiss IKEA good bye. 

 

And New Jersey, chin up!  You might be the ******* step-child of New York again, but who’s going to rake in that tax revenue?  Woot! Woot!

Who’s your favorite portrayal of a real-life ballplayer on the screen?

My flight has been cancelled twice in as many days, so I need to keep myself busy.  Who’s your favorite portrayal of a real-life ballplayer on the screen?

 

1. Gary Cooper as Lou Gehrig in “Pride of the Yankees”

2. John Turturro as Billy Martin in “The Bronx is Burning”

3. Ray Liotta as Joe Jackson in “Field of Dreams”

4. Roger Clemens as Walter Johnson in “Cobb”

 

Thoughs?  Hit me back.  Seriously man.  I’m snowed in.  I’m bored.