Roger Clemens is going to trial. I smell a road trip! Who’s with me?!
Too soon? Come on. He’s not going to prison. If we learned anything from the recent actions of the American Justice System, anyone can get off (as long as they pay up of course). I hear Blagojevich’s attorneys are available.
Speaking of the super inappropriate…
I was on a New Jersey Transit train heading into the city yesterday. I had a couple of job interviews (which went disastrous of course). Nonetheless, it was a nice trip in as I traveled with Yankee fans headed toward the matinee. There I was on the platform with the normal mix of fathers and children, uncles with nephews (and nieces, of course) and friends playing hookey from work. You could hear them strategizing on where to eat, what to do when they get to batting practice and of course, quizzing each other with cheesy Yankees trivia.
Who’s the only Cardinal in Monument Park? Well, that’s the Pope of course….
A bunch of folks heading out to the ballpark for a beautiful day of baseball, what else could one ask for? It was a nice atmosphere. If I didn’t have people expecting me, I would have played hookey along with them. Nevertheless, when the train finally pulled into the station and I sat in my seat, I was in for was something far different.
I’m sorry but there is nothing worse than rude, drunken fans on a train. I’m all for a drink at the ballpark, but when you drink to excess and I’m forced to be your captive audience…you suck. What made this rolling car of Wrigleyville goodness even more fun was that it was 11:18 in the morning. The game wouldn’t start for another two hours. How are you blitzed out of your gourd already?!
Hey! Guy with the Jose Reyes shirt and guy with the Josh Hamilton shirt, I’m talking specifically to you. I know you had buddies with you, but you sat directly in front of me and made my trip miserable. First, you’re purposely going to the game to be douches. Don’t get me wrong! I’m all for fans of the opposing team coming out for a good time at the ballpark. I can’t count how many times I was that opposing fan. BUT they were playing Detroit! Your “Yankees Suck” chant is officially out of line and makes you a wannabe, especially you, Josh Hamilton guy. I have a feeling that the Jersey Shore look isn’t popular in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. I’m going to assume, you’re actually from Long Branch.
We hadn’t hit Rahway yet and these epitomes of manhood had knocked off two 24-pack cases of Coors Light. Gross! (And is anyone picking up on the irony that the guy in the Josh Hamilton shirt was binge drinking? If you don’t, I’ll tell you when we get in the car.)
Oh, I think one of our buddies might have been storing a couple in his backpack with the hopes of sneaking them into Yankees Stadium. Guys, this isn’t the AMC. This is Yankees Stadium, the only place in the world where, while in the security line, I had to turn my cell phone on and off to prove it wasn’t a bomb. It’s easier to sneak stuff on an El Al flight.
Where was the New Jersey Transit crew during this? Your guess is as good as mine. They were busy bothering me for a ticket, because ****** bag in the Jose Reyes shirt was too busy knocking my destination ticket off my chair. (Heh! Heh! Heh! Funny, huh?) Also, isn’t it against the law to drink alcohol out in the open on public transportation? I know the LIRR has restrictions on that.
Also to the dad who was four rows ahead of them…spend less time trying to look cool in front of your son by goofing off with these jerks and more time being a better example of manhood for your son. By the way, our boys here had no idea where they were going. Don’t give them directions. Let them think they’re pulling into Grand Central Station (you stupid Jersey Shore hicks). They’ll be passed out at the TGI Fridays before we know it.
So, for those of you who were at the Yankees game yesterday, I hope you had a wonderful time as the Yankees won the series. And for your sake, I hope these guys are still wandering around Penn Station as you read this.
With Chicago looking in the face of another snow storm on the day that I’m about to fly out to New York, which is facing a snow storm as well, my thoughts gleefully turn to Spring Training. If not, I might lunge at the next girl I see in a skirt and Uggs. (Ladies! No! Stop it!)
1. Jose Reyes reported for Spring Training this week saying, “I’ll be ready in 2010. Be there, it’s going to be a show.” I’m sorry, Jose. If you make it out of Spring Training in one piece, that will be the real show. I’ve heard of fragile, but you make Laura from “The Glass Menagerie” look like Cal Ripken Jr.
2. The Johnny Damon sweepstakes continues with the Chicago White Sox and the Detroit Tigers as the last teams standing. Really, guys? Isn’t the object to go younger? (I read “Money Ball”!) Don’t go over paying for that business. Johnny Damon is 37 years old. I’ve got two words for you, “Mo” and “Vaughn”. Now call Steve Phillips and see how that worked out. (Go ahead. What’s he doing now?)
3. The Chicago Cubs are receiving a new Spring Training facility in Arizona in order to keep them from jumping to The Grapefruit League. Yeah, who needs the challenge of facing the competitive American League East when you can have a new hot tub? Meh, whatever.
My final thoughts on some recent stories from the winter:
1. Frank Thomas announced his retirement at US Cellular Field. That must have been pretty tough, considering how lousy he was treated by the White Sox toward the end. Frank Thomas was easily one of the better right-handed hitters of recent and he did it on his own accord (you can tell by the amount of injuries he sustained). Frank, we in Chicago still recognize you as the class act that you are and hope to one day see you in Cooperstown.
2. Speaking of…Robbie Alomar missed the HOF on the first ballot and folks are up in arms. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out the New York Mets official home page on Facebook. I have to admit. I agree whole-heartedly with that writer. Why should Robbie Alomar be a first ballot Hall of Famer? Isn’t character one of the qualities that need to be judged? Are you telling me that he’s of the same caliber as Ripken or Sandberg? Get real. Yes, he was one of the better 2nd basemen in the game but he was classless and easily phoned it in during those final playing years. I don’t know. I’m not saying he doesn’t belong there. I’m just saying, that he needs to do some time on the bench…for once.