On a day, in which I spent 80% of it looking for a job (the other 20% if you’re wondering, was going back and forth between the YES Network and a marathon of The Rachel Zoe Project on Bravo), I salute a man who has nabbed himself gainful employment in these lousy economic times. That’s right. I’m talking about Manny Ramirez.
Settle down Chi-town…
Nothing says “bad behavior gets rewarded” like Manny Ramirez getting a job. Sure, he’s a nine-time Silver Slugger and one of 25 people to have hit over 500 career home runs. His 21 career grand slams are tied with Alex Rodriguez for most by any active player, and the second-most all-time, behind Lou Gehrig. His 28 career postseason home runs are also the most by any player in MLB history. Ramirez is a 12-time All-Star. There, I said it. Twelve time All-Star. Nonetheless, let’s keep probing into these sexy, hall of fame numbers.
· Who can forget Ramirez was allegedly among a group of 104 major leaguers who tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs during 2003 survey testing. That’s a proud moment. Where will they put that on his plaque in Cooperstown?
· And who can forget 2009? Ramirez was suspended 50 games for violating Major League Baseball’s Performance Enhancing Drug policy for taking human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG). If you’re wondering, that’s a women’s fertility drug typically used by steroid users to restart their body’s natural testosterone production as they come off a steroid cycle. I wonder if Manny and I were ovulating at the same time.
· Finally, dearest White Sox, you don’t have the division in the bag. You need all hands on deck, so I ask you this – how many times has Manny done time on the DL this season? One? Nope! Two? Keep going!
Oh, and how can I forget?! Nothing brings calm and serenity to the Chicago White Sox (who frankly, as of recent, have been making the Hatfields & McCoys look like Mother Teresa and the Missionaries of Charity) like “Manny Being Manny”.
Nevertheless, the petulant child of the MLB has a job and I just applied to Target, hoping to get an interview for a cart handler. Welcome to the Windy City, Manny. Meet Ozzie. This isn’t Joe Torre and this sure aint SoCal.
(Yankee fans, take a deep sigh of relief. We dodged a bullet on this one.)
About two weeks ago
I was working in the Box Office at one of Second City’s studio theatres. It was a slow night, so I was doing the only thing a diligent employee would do. I was listening to the Yankees game on MLB Radio and checking my Facebook page. I write this freely knowing that my boss doesn’t read my blog. I’ve decided to openly taunt him now.
On one of my many visits back to Facebook (aka the Social Media enslaver), a wall post popped up from my friend George. You see, he was apparently watching the Yankees Game on YES. This was an impressive fete within and of itself because he lives in Chicago. I figure he was visiting New York or watching the game on satellite. Anywho, on one of the station breaks, he saw me on a YES Network commercial! Apparently they used some of the shots off my page for the latest advertisement they’re running. Am I getting paid? No (but why would that be a shocker). Is it awesome? Absolutely, considering this all began as a revenge blog against a guy (and ex-Yankee fan) who had done me wrong.
Also about two weeks ago
Hideki Irabu resurfaced with a DUI. Hideki Irabu, you are a glorified car crash (all puns intended).
Speaking of embarrassing Fat Toads
It’s hard to look back at that period in Yankee history, the end of a dynasty. The mid-Aughts could best be described as a period of “delicate” personalities, personal trainers and a complete loss of the definition of teammate. (Carl Pavano? Anyone?)
For the kids who don’t remember, this was a time when the Yankees refused to catch on to the Sabermetrics movement. They acted less like the tough jock on the block and more like your grandpa who still insisted that television was a passing fad.
Looking back at last year’s championship team, it’s easy to see why they won. As opposed to those brittle out-of-date rosters of the mid-Aughts, most of these guys were quiet work horses. No big boppers (except for the obvious). No real baggage (except for the obvious). Girardi set up a team first clubhouse, not much different than Torre’s 1996 Yankees.
Speaking of looking back
I am missing my ten year college reunion this week. Wow, has it been ten years? Even worse, has it really been ten years since the Subway Series? As lopsided and sloppy as that series was, and by god it was (I’m looking at you, Timo Perez), it was by far the most fun. Any series that includes Turk Wendell smack talk and a flooded club house is begging to be the next installment in the “Major League” franchise.
Where’s Cerrano when you need him?
Well, I can at least tell you where I was
I was stuck in Arkansas doing a show (and I use the word “stuck” because I refuse to believe that anyone voluntarily does anything in Arkansas) during the series. I distinctly remember a local sportscaster saying, “Well, it’s New York’s world. We’re just playing in it.” In a way, aint he right?
That was so douchey of me. : )
And to conclude in Douchey fashion…
The Yankees lost to the Jays today (3 to 2 in 14 innings). It only goes to show, Fred Lewis is going to haunt me for the rest of the year because I didn’t draft him…or at least haunt me until he has to go back to work for tax season.
Fred Lewis joke! Wooo!
I’m back in first place in my division and second overall in my league. Nonetheless, I’m getting clobbered this week and I don’t know why! Are the rainouts from earlier in the week having this much of a detrimental effect on me? My one-two-three punch is V-Mart, Pedroia and Teixiera and I’m getting beat by a manager who has to depend on Jose Reyes for power numbers?! To add insult to injury…I think he’s a Brewers fan.
Umm…was it sexist of me to assume that manager was a he?
It was a great game today. They crushed the Twins 7 to 1. Pettitte was extremely economical, which is exactly what the team needed. It looks like the train has been righted after that highly questionable series against the Tigers, which I’m still hearing about living in the Midwest. (Thanks guys.)
Around the Horn
John Maine is charged with trying to stop a 9 out of 13 game losing skid by the Mets, yet Jerry Manuel leaves the lineup virtually untouched. Whaa? How does he still have a job? How does Omar Miniaya still have a job? And frankly, when is Billy Beane available? The only reason why the A’s aren’t as relevant as the used to be is that the Yankees and Red Sox finally read “Moneyball”. Imagine what that man could do if he had a budget? At the time of writing this blog post, Maine was losing 3 to nothing.
I didn’t get a chance to comment on this last week, but how incredible is a perfect game? Sure, it doesn’t guarantee that you’ll reach the immortality of Nolan Ryan but it’s kind of like having the hottest one-hit wonder of the decade. Sure, you may not reach that apex again, but you, Dallas Braden, have done something that the rest of us can only sit in awe of.
I started reading Joe Torre’s “The Yankee Years”. Any book that manages to make Roger Clemens look sympathetic is going to be an interesting read. I’m kind of put off by Torre feigning such ignorance of the steroids situation. How can you claim that you had no idea what was going on in your own locker room to this day? I’ll be curious to see how this pans out. Stay tuned.