Tagged: Joe Girardi

Nice Job if you can get it…

Manager of the New York Yankees…

Nice job if you can get it…

And if you get it…would you want it?

Yankees fans might be staring at the walls, but believe it or not, there’s actually still a World Series to be played. 

Yes…on occasion, they play one without us.

If it makes you feel better, we aren’t the only fans with ridiculous bravado.  A friend from Philly actually said, “The Rangers and the Giants are in the World Series.  Who’s gonna watch that?”

(Umm…I don’t know.  How about the two biggest states in the Union?) 

So, Yankees fans now look to the future as the team locks up Skipper Girardi for a three year contract.  No one should be shocked about this.  If you are, you are way too emotional and it’s starting to cloud your better baseball judgment. Sure, this year was a bust by Yankees standards.  However, by normal team standards, Girardi would have been given a ticker-tape parade. 

(Please, if this was Chicago, the man would have been given a statue next to Harry Caray.)

In the past three years, Girardi has taken the team to the playoffs twice and won a World Series.  The man deserves a vote of confidence.

By reuping for three more years in the Bronx, Joe Girardi also has the unenviable task of guiding the aging Core Four through the twilight of their careers.  Imagine the unpopular duty of eventually benching (or Gasp! Not benching quick enough) Captain Derek Jeter when his range becomes a detriment to the team.  That day is coming soon. Regardless of what Girardi does, he’ll be damned if he does and will be damned if he doesn’t.  

 

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The Mid Summer Classic – The Lines Have Been Drawn

Happy 4th of July everyone! (Albeit, a day late.) Do you remember where you were seventeen years ago yesterday?  Dave Righetti remembers where he was.

Speaking of magic…

My Fantasy Baseball Team can give the ’69 Mets a run for the money in the miracles department.  My entire bench consists of guys currently on the DL and yet I’ve still found a way to squeak by.  I’m still in first place with the most points.

Just call me the Fake Billy Beane of Fake Baseball…

No thanks to you Placido Polanco, Victor Martinez, Dustin Pedroia and Shin Soo Choo.  Enjoy riding my fake bench for a while and don’t do anything stupid (like take up skydiving or clog dancing).

Speaking of Fantasy Teams…Did you see the All-Star announcements yesterday? 

I didn’t, because I don’t have cable.  (Starving artist, remember?) 

When I did check them out online, I have to say that most of the usual suspects were present and accounted for.  Nonetheless, there were still a couple of moves that I found for lack of a better word, odd?

Matt Capps of the Washington Nationals will be making his first All-Star appearance.  He’s got a losing record (but we are talking about the Nationals).  He’s got a middle of the road ERA, BUT he did carry the team to twenty-two saves by the mid-point. 

Come to think of it, I didn’t know the Nationals won that many games. 

You can make an argument for Capps as the Nationals’ representative.  However, that move bumped the more clear-cut Nationals’ candidate, Ryan Zimmerman, to the Final Man Ballot.  Final Man? Good luck getting that popularity vote, guy from the dismal Washington Nationals.  How many people come to see you guys play a game?  Three?

And then you have Andy Pettitte.  Pettitte is off to his best career start in ages.  Ages!  He has better record than Sabathia and Hughes by the mid-point and they made the team. 

What’s up Andy?  Did you forget to get Girardi a new Italian horn for his birthday?  Come on!

 

As I attempt another Fred Lewis Joke…

About two weeks ago

I was working in the Box Office at one of Second City’s studio theatres.  It was a slow night, so I was doing the only thing a diligent employee would do.  I was listening to the Yankees game on MLB Radio and checking my Facebook page.  I write this freely knowing that my boss doesn’t read my blog.  I’ve decided to openly taunt him now.

 

On one of my many visits back to Facebook (aka the Social Media enslaver), a wall post popped up from my friend George.  You see, he was apparently watching the Yankees Game on YES.  This was an impressive fete within and of itself because he lives in Chicago. I figure he was visiting New York or watching the game on satellite.  Anywho, on one of the station breaks, he saw me on a YES Network commercial!  Apparently they used some of the shots off my page for the latest advertisement they’re running.  Am I getting paid?  No (but why would that be a shocker).  Is it awesome?  Absolutely, considering this all began as a revenge blog against a guy (and ex-Yankee fan) who had done me wrong.

 

Also about two weeks ago

Hideki Irabu resurfaced with a DUI.  Hideki Irabu, you are a glorified car crash (all puns intended).

 

Speaking of embarrassing Fat Toads

It’s hard to look back at that period in Yankee history, the end of a dynasty.  The mid-Aughts could best be described as a period of “delicate” personalities, personal trainers and a complete loss of the definition of teammate.   (Carl Pavano?  Anyone?)

 

For the kids who don’t remember, this was a time when the Yankees refused to catch on to the Sabermetrics movement.  They acted less like the tough jock on the block and more like your grandpa who still insisted that television was a passing fad.  

 

Looking back at last year’s championship team, it’s easy to see why they won. As opposed to those brittle out-of-date rosters of the mid-Aughts, most of these guys were quiet work horses.  No big boppers (except for the obvious).  No real baggage (except for the obvious). Girardi set up a team first clubhouse, not much different than Torre’s 1996 Yankees.

 

Speaking of looking back

I am missing my ten year college reunion this week.  Wow, has it been ten years?  Even worse, has it really been ten years since the Subway Series?  As lopsided and sloppy as that series was, and by god it was (I’m looking at you, Timo Perez), it was by far the most fun.  Any series that includes Turk Wendell smack talk and a flooded club house is begging to be the next installment in the “Major League” franchise. 

 

Where’s Cerrano when you need him?

 

Well, I can at least tell you where I was

I was stuck in Arkansas doing a show (and I use the word “stuck” because I refuse to believe that anyone voluntarily does anything in Arkansas) during the series. I distinctly remember a local sportscaster saying, “Well, it’s New York’s world.  We’re just playing in it.”  In a way, aint he right?

 

That was so douchey of me. : )

 

 

And to conclude in Douchey fashion…

The Yankees lost to the Jays today (3 to 2 in 14 innings).  It only goes to show, Fred Lewis is going to haunt me for the rest of the year because I didn’t draft him…or at least haunt me until he has to go back to work for tax season.

 

Fred Lewis joke! Wooo!

A Salute to a Traffic Accident

Well, here’s another sketch I wrote that I figured I would get out there before it got too dated:

Normal
0

Characters

Marie
Henry – 27

Officer
Kathleen Christiano – 35

Joe
Girardi – 45

 

A mangled vehicle on the side of the

Cross County Parkway.  Late November

4th, 2009

  

JOE GIRARDI enters SL, making his way

through the mangled metal.

 

 

JOE

Mam!

          (Checking
her vitals)

Are
you ok?

 

MARIE

          (Moving
her arms slowly)

Just
a little stunned.

 

JOE

          (Checking
vitals)

Try
to stay still until the police get here.

 

JOE GIRARDI pulls out his cell phone

and dials. Puts phone on speaker
phone

as he tries to help MARIE. RINGING is

heard.

 

 

MARIE

          (Glimmer
of recognition)

Hey…aren’t
you…

 

OFFICER

          (Voice
Over)

Westchester
County police

 

JOE

          (Adrenalized)

Hey!
I was driving up the Cross County and saw this accident on the side of the road.

 

OFFICER

          (Voice
Over)

Name?

 

JOE

Joe
Girardi.  The accident is at mile
marker…

 

MARIE, still laying there is

shocked.

 

OFFICER

          (Voice Over)

Shut
the hell up!

 

JOE

What?

 

OFFICER

          (Voice Over)

Manager
of the New York Yankees, Joe Girardi?

 

 

JOE

Umm,
yeah.

 

MARIE

I
know. I’m laying right here and I can’t believe it myself.

 

JOE

Officer…

 

OFFICER

          (Voice
Over)

I
just saw you on TV.

 

MARIE

Me
too!

 

JOE

Officer…

 

 

OFFICER

          (Voice
Over)

Christiano.  Oh my God! 
It’s really Joe “I just won a World Series” Girardi!

 

JOE

There’s
a woman trapped in a car here.

 

OFFICER

          (Voice
Over)

Oh
yeah… Mam. Are you ok?

 

MARIE

          (Weakly)

I’m
fine.  I’m just stunned…

          (Excitedly)

…stunned
that Joe Girardi is standing in front of my freakin’ face!

 

OFFICER

          (Voice Over)

I
know! How cool is that?

 

JOE

I
hate to interrupt you ladies, but her vitals seem to be fine.  There’s no visible signs of bleeding, but
she is sitting in glass so I’m afraid to move her.

 

MARIE

Manager
of the World Series Champion New York Yankees and he’s a regular “Doctor House.”

 

OFFICER

          (Voice
Over)

I
LOVE THAT TV SHOW!

 

JOE

Ladies,
I’m super flattered but…

 

OFFICER and MARIE start giggling.

 

OFFICER

          (Voice
Over)

Don’t
worry Miss…

 

MARIE

Marie
Henry.

 

OFFICER

          (Voice
Over)

Miss
Henry. We are about 2 minutes away.  The
most important thing I need you to do is not
move…

 

MARIE

He
said that too!

 

OFFICER and MARIE giggle more.

 

OFFICER

          (Voice
Over)

Another
brilliant call by Girardi!

 

 

MARIE

          (Full
out laughing)

Oh
come on, now!  With a 200 million dollar payroll, I can manage a team to a World Series too!

 

OFFICER is full out laughing.

 

MARIE

          (Continuing)

And
I was last in my fantasy baseball league!

 

OFFICER and MARIE crack up.

 

MARIE

          (Holding
side)

That
hurts.

 

JOE

Hey!
Watch it!

 

MARIE

          (Trying
to contain her laughter)

Sorry
man…

 

JOE

          (Starting
to get pissed)

I
just ran across a major highway…

 

OFFICER

          (Voice
Over)

Just
joshin’ ya.

 

JOE 

          (Overlap,
more intense)

To
see if you were alright.

 

MARIE

Easy
buddy!

 

JOE

          (Overlap,
freaking out)

I
could have been killed!

 

OFFICER

          (Voice
Over, mocking)

Oooh!  The Evil Empire finally comes off its pedestal and we’re supposed to be soooo greatful.

 

JOE

That’s
not what I mean.

 

OFFICER

          (Voice
Over, Defensive)

Ahem!
Let’s go Red Sox!

 

MARIE responds with clap, clap,

clap, clap, clap.

 

MARIE

Oh
my God! You too?!

 

JOE

          (Defeated)

I
should get going…

 

MARIE

          (Disappointed)

Yeesh,
win a World Series and lose all your humor…

 

A Police Car Pulls up.

FLASHING LIGHTS are seen.

 

JOE

Finally…

 

OFFICER

          (Over
a Bullhorn)

Jeter
Sucks!  Jeter Sucks!

 

MARIE

          (Overlap)

Jeter
Sucks! Jeter Sucks!

 

JOE

THAT’S IT! You people are nuts.

 

JOE GIRARDI storms off.

OFFICER walks up to the car.

She’s trying to control her laughter.

 

OFFICER

Jeter
Sucks! Jeter Sucks!

 

MARIE

          (Overlap)

Jeter
Sucks! Jeter Sucks!

 

The OFFICER and MARIE begin to

laugh.

 

BLACKOUT